The End is Near.. It's Here!

I have thought that for a while now, I'm living a better life; I've become a better person even if I'm lacking; I've truly believed that. I thought that even if I can't be like other people, I've managed to at least try. And I was totally delusional! At my core is the same stupid coward person who's never changing and useless. A garbage!

The garbage that I am now is all my fault, everything is my fault. I am the the "fault" itself.

I Was Doing My Best but Still I'm Regretting it All ...!

After Lying to Myself Saying I'm Fine Now...

I think I just an unworthy jot in this universe, a garbage, an excessive baggage; shouldn't have will of its own; shouldn't be taken seriously.

I'M DEFECTIVE, WORTHLESS & WEAK.

There no point in trying, i can't make it work, NO; it simply never'll work Ever.

I'm always on the wrong side of everything.

I'm truly far imperfect, far worthless and useful even to this day. I thought I have already changed at some point. But, to my surprise I'm still the stupid person I was; the coward person I was. Nothing has changed. Nothing! As long I'm me nothing good will come out of it. I'll always be a failure.

How I wished I could undo everything...

It's too late now! I've given up any hope I have left. I've given up any faith I have in myself. I'm truly am unneeded and unwanted existences.

My existence worth Nothing!
I should just Go to hell....

Black hearted person am I?

Envious and Regret

As I live my daily life, I've sometimes feel so lonely.

But, as far as time goes by, nothing will change much for me since I was imprinted this way my whole existence.

"Can I truly be good?" or "Can I truly be evil", I've often asked myself these questions to myself.
I'm more of a body without decision, without principle; without nothing! I've always just being a follower all along.  I tag along, I play along, I belittle myself and I withstand everything in the deepest core of my soul.

I don't want to be hated, I don't know what to do even if I'm being used; I was truly happy at times.
I'm aging, I became envious of others' life and also regretting everything that I've failed myself in the past.

Its truly too late to be on my toes. All I can do now is trying to at least full-fill one wish of mine. As long as I can do that, at least it is not in vain; the fact that I'm here today!

I look like a stupid jerk and I acted like one.

For as long as i've remembered, it has been my dream to love a girl that love me more. Through out my life so far, there is one girl who fit in this criteria. At first I thought to myself that I should tell her that I like her and all but my mind keep on playing hindering my heart to be sincere. Fear of not being able to love and take care of arise often in my mind. i've became self-doubt, less confident in myself and unreliable for her.

nowadays, how I wish i've could be by her side. She's now belong to someone else, someone better than me in every aspect of life.